It’s an affliction. I’m convinced of it. I’ve always been a bit of a late bloomer. I didn’t learn to swim until I was 21. Not because I didn’t have strong arms or legs or the desire. I was deathly afraid of water. I couldn’t even shower without gasping for air when the water washed over my face.
If anyone ever tells you that you needn’t worry about passing your fears onto your children, don’t believe them.
I absorbed ALL of my parents’ fears. And then some. Neither my mother nor my father ever dipped a toe in water unless it sat quietly lapping in their bathtub.
Maybe this info-mania started in that bathtub. I must have known, at some level, that my parents were paralyzed by fear. Fear of water. Fear of success. Fear that their daughters would never marry if they got too smart.
I was determined to defy all of that fear with knowledge. So I studied. And I studied. And I’m still studying.
But I can’t help but wonder when I’ll have enough, know enough, be enough. When will I say, with conviction, I am enough?
What about you? Do you suffer from over-achievers syndrome? And if so, what do YOU do to lean slowly and confidently into the words:
I AM ENOUGH
Leave a comment and let’s start a conversation. . .
8 thoughts on “Confessions of an Info-junkie”
“When will I lean slowly and confidently unto myself?” Such a vital and pertinent question for me in THIS moment in particular.
I LOVE to learn. This will never stop. My insatiable curiosity and yearning for knowledge keeps me ALIVE and loving life! As I know it will YOU, Sue Ann. And yes, I have had my learning = not enough. Actually, extremely so. For years I have been exalted, nudged, and cajoled to do my work with women on a larger professional level… teaching them how to unleash their deepest wild creative hidden natures, which radically transforms their lives, through the modalities I have been fully trained and certified and degreed in. Everyone said, “ENOUGH ALREADY!! Your work is brilliant! Get it out there in a BIG way.” I kept feeling resistance-fear-and saying, “Not enough. I am not enough!”
That inner voice had more to do with outer traditions which require extreme levels of licensure in psychology for transformational encounters of this kind. I had to find my way through this labyrinth without giving in to what was not my authentic journey. In my astrology chart, I would say this internal voice is reflected in Saturn, the Senex. The voice of tradition. Task Master! and… the one who rules the alchemy of dung into gold. What changed for me? There are many factors. One being age. Another, powerful teachers affirming I am enough, passing the torch of their work to me. And perhaps the most jolting has been the thought of dying without doing it.
I finally had the standoff with this inner One and was able to look him in the eye and say…. “It IS enough. I AM enough!”
Kathleen, I loved reading this response for so many reasons—the depth of your thinking, the (kindred) spirit in your words, and this deep knowing that you are up to big things in the world as you give birth to (and unleash) your craft. I see it bubbling out of you and I can only imagine what will transpire as you leap gracefully into the full force of your brilliance. For me, the most powerful words in this response, the words that will resonate with me throughout the day are: “the thought of dying without doing it.”
Ahhhhh, that’s when our craft becomes calling and there really is no turning back. Here’s to your journey and your brilliance and the the deep knowing that we are all enough. Here’s to insatiable curiosity!
Hi Sue Ann!
I just love your posting and can so totally relate! I’ve always fed my brain with tons of knowledge to help build my own internal worthy factor. I came to a similar point where I said enough and decided life was all about my feeling good as I am and not continually building my worthiness.
Your message is so needed! Keep ’em coming!
XO,
Marion
Thank you for stopping by, Marion. It’s a dance isn’t it? Wanting to honor the intellectual curiosity and learn and grow and ponder but still find time to play. . .
Sue Ann, I can so relate to the over-achiever’s syndrome you describe. Like you, I am still studying, still learning, ever curious and always searching. Something I do to live the mantra “I am enough” is to lean into that which brings me joy rather than that which calls to me as a “should.” It’s one of the reasons I was drawn to your Inner Circle Body Wisdom Boot Camp. Your work is an invitation to experience our joy with regard to food, to go within and listen to our own bodies, instead of following a rigid set of rules. Your class is one way I am leaning into my enoughness. 🙂
I love that, Laurie. It’s so easy to get swept into the stream of our passions. I learn a lot about myself when I slow down, stop and listen. I’m happy to be a work in progress. We teach what we most need to learn, yes?
WOW! Sue Ann! I am loving this. You really made me stop and thinking about my own fears and the ones that were passed down to me. I am always doing what I can not to pass on these patterns to my own daughter. I agree the best type of cure for fear is learning and be knowledge about what fear is and where it comes from. Also, to know what is rational fear and un-rational fear. I know my family always struggled with the idea of being worthy and I now after learning so much about being worthy, I now know innately that I am worthy of all mama earth has to offer me, just because I am here. Now I am entering that “dance” as you say, of making sure I give the awesome concept of worthiness to my daughter, without her taking on my fear of her not grasping it, does that make sense?
It does, Nasrine. I think it takes great courage to quiet those irrational fears while at the same time honoring them. I love this acronym: Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. I pull that out whenever fear stops me in my tracks.