image source: Pinterest (‘Fashion’ Week)
She was seated at a table. Alone. Sipping green juice, a serious look on her face. I probably wouldn’t have noticed this young woman had it not been for her hollow eyes and emaciated appearance. Sipping green juice appeared to be the best she could do to get nutrients into her body. Anything else would require chewing.
And swallowing.
Every month I visited that scrumptious little New York City nook: One Lucky Duck. I felt like ‘one lucky duck’ at the time, traveling to New York City to study the art of holistic health coaching with over 1000 equally eager learners. One Lucky Duck was/is attached to one of the most renowned raw food restaurants in the City, Pure Food and Wine. One Lucky Duck, a health food haven.
And every month I saw her sitting in the same lonely seat looking anything but healthy. Was it the timing? Or was it the universe telling me to take note?
And then one day she was no longer there. I imagined all sorts of things, most of them dark. The truth is, I’ll never know what happened to that young woman but I’m almost certain she was struggling with an eating disorder. Over the past five years I’ve encountered many women with disordered eating. Too many women.
I needed to get up close and personal with these women in order to confront my own disordered eating habits. I never fell into the abyss of anorexia, thankfully, but for much of my life, my diet and exercise routine was anything but healthy. I engaged in more diets and nutritional systems than I can count. I lived life in the extremes. Extreme diets. Extreme exercise. Extreme striving for perfection.
For me, a raw food diet was the perfecrt ‘health’ insurance policy I could invest in. I didn’t know that living life in the extremes was NOT a viable road to a well-nourished life.
I’m very grateful to be in a more spacious, loving place around food and my body. The journey has had its bumps. My blind spots were as rigid and unyielding as my diets.
Here’s what I know to be true.
1. Diets don’t work. Lifestyle changes do.
2. What we put into our mouths is often directly related to what we are unwilling or afraid to take out of our lives.
3. A scale is a small household item made of metal & springs & dials. It should never make or break our day. If we want to see a different number on the scale, we can tape it to the digital window. Better yet, we can crush the scale.
4. There are no good foods or bad foods.
5. Cravings lose their edge when we frame them as desires and treat them with curiosity and respect.
5. If our jeans are too tight on any given day—we can dig out another pair. This too shall pass.
6. When we wrestle our bodies into what we consider to be an ‘ideal’ weight, they wrestle back.
7. Just because someone is a “celebrity,” does not mean that person knows what YOU should be eating. What you eat is a highly personal decision. Stay away from celebrity diets. Stay away from DIEts.
8. “Cleansing” is not the road to health. It’s a temporary situation. Food is sacred. It is not something to be cleansed from our bodies.
9. Protein is not a powder. Breakfast is not a bar. Give yourself permission to pause long enough to feed yourself simply and beautifully, REAL food, three times a day. You’re worth it.
10. LOVE WHAT YOU EAT. Do this for yourself. Do this for OUR girls.
And finally, take just a few minutes to watch this three minute video: Shrinking Women, leave a comment. . .
pass it on.
Her mother’s words: “As a grown woman with a strong voice, I’m still working on standing tall and using my voice. I owe it to my daughter and other girls like her to set the example and respect my body AND my voice. Be sure to pay attention at 1:40 and 2:09 — Lily really provides some insight into how expectations for men and women differ and how much setting examples for our daughters really does matter.”
19 thoughts on “I Didn’t Know”
I sooooooo deeply appreciate this piece, Sue Ann. I am so grateFULL for allllllllll the wisdom you have garnered over a lifetime which has brought you to what you are speaking to here. It feels so liberating to hear these words… “LOVE WHAT YOU EAT. Do this for yourself. Do this for OUR girls.” and alllllllll the rest. I feel I have journeyed through every point you make over my own lifetime. And though I have reached many of your conclusions, you know the ones I continue to struggle with.
This young woman is so brilliant! and… I see many in this younger generation are. They are breaking their curses at a much earlier age than we. Thank you for spearheading this revolution! xo
THAT is what I love most, Kathleen. Our youth, BREAKING THE CURSE. And so artfully, yes? I have listened to this piece over and over again. I am heartened by it. I am even more heartened by her mother and how committed SHE is to breaking the cycle of deprivation. I stand beside YOU as you continue your journey in “care of self.” Thank you for supporting me so ardently in mine.
YES SUE ANN. I love this piece. Thank you for being a leader and for sharing your gift of re-framing wellness and diet for me and so many other women. <3
Thank YOU, Laura, for being a living, breathing example that there is, indeed, another way to enjoy vibrant health and it includes beautiful food, intentionally eaten, pleasure intact. I appreciate your warmth and the time you took to respond to this post.
I can’t express how deeply I love this post, dear Sue Ann. Exercising for the “right to eat” – well, wow. Those words should be graffiti’ed across every woman’s world. You awe me, I want you to know. While I know your passion, have spent personal quality sharing time with you, and have witnessed all the goodnesses you’re breadcrumbing across our planet … there are times I read your work and think, “Yeah,she gets it. She REALLY, totally gets this eating-mind-spirit thing.” So good for you baby! I am proud of you, and completely resonate with all you’ve said here. xoxo
Graffiti! I love that idea, Rosa. I see a “LOVE WHAT YOU EAT” campaign emerging here. What do you say? Thank you so much for reading and responding to this post.
I love sitting in your example of healthy relationship with food. Beautiful writing. Beautiful story.
Thank you, Marie. I am reminded of the ripple effect. You and me, yes? Let’s celebrate that healthy relationship to food and our bodies and spread the wealth. I’m so honored that you took the time to read and respond to this post.
Bravo Sue Ann, for taking a stand. All of these things that are supposed to be good for us, and beneficial, are so often twisted into yet another form of self-punishment. Or trying to control, control, control.
It is from self-love and true enjoyment of the miracle of our human bodies that radiant heath can emerge. Thank you for raising your voice.
Thank you, Natasha for taking a stand for self-love over self-punishment. Our bodies are, indeed, a miracle.
This moved me to tears Sue Ann. Mostly because she spoke such raw TRUTH. And she spoke it so cleverly. I felt the jail that is disordered eating and felt sad for all the energy (not to mention years) I have wasted on being obsessed with what I ate, what I was going to eat and what I shouldn’t have eaten.
You are not alone, Julie. Our choices are so often dictated by what we “perceive” to be the right path. They are also skewed by what the media wants us to believe. I am reminded of a quote by Marcel Proust: “We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one else can take for us or spare us.” Every day I thank the universe for the years AHEAD. Thank you so much for reading and responding to this post.
Reading this post just now was excellent timing for me, as I had a few days of slipping into old “tapes” of what to do about releasing weight – many of which are on your blog post list…so great to have your influence in my life! THANK YOU!
“How many bites is too many? How much space should I occupy?” I love this girl who knows how to look at the shrinking women around her and grow fat on what she sees. “I was taught to absorb.”
“Cravings lose their edge when we frame them as desires and treat them with curiosity and respect.” – Sue Ann you are so right that when we pay attention to that for which we hunger and lean in with curiosity, what returns is so rich. A deeper relationship with myself and with those around me.
I love the Lily Myers poetry slam piece, Sue Ann, it’s the perfect accompaniment to this post.
Oddly, I have never dieted in my life. Not anything formal, anyway. I have reined myself in after periods of excess, but I never fell prey to the diet industry. And that doesn’t mean I have been blessed with a flat belly or weight that doesn’t fluctuate–no, that’s all a part of the deal for me. I imagine my veganism is extreme to you (and I do eat fairly high-raw), but for me, I feel peaceful and compassionate. My choices did not come from of a place of wanting to fit in with society’s fascist beauty (or weight) standards.
For me, I am interested in being kind to myself and kind to the planet. And I practice this each day. And that’s exactly what it is–like meditation, my food choices are part of my practice to be present and intentional in everything I do 🙂
I am so uber conscious of all of these issues now that I am a mom to a daughter. I’m so careful not to use the word diet ever (not that I’m ever on one) or to say anything negative about food. We shop for food together, cook together and have fun with it. I hope I can be a positive influence on her relationship to food.
Sue Ann, I thought I’d left a comment on your post earlier, but obviously I didn’t. I think what happened was that I was totally blown away by your wisdom, by the poetry, and by seeing too much of myself… “My blind spots were as rigid and unyielding as my diets.” I’m not on a diet, but it’s so easy to think “I’m eating too much” or “I need to exercise more.” Always a ‘should’… your way is much kinder and food tastes much better.
Written so long ago and still so true today. I listen to your words and as I read through this list, realize how many of them have become mine.
Example: My daughter, who strives to be uber healthy, told me she was having a cheat. My response to her was something along the lines of, my friend (because you are so much more than a teacher), Sue Ann Gleason, says that food is just food…food can’t be good or bad…eat what you want in moderation without making yourself feel bad.
Your words and wisdom are an intricate part of my world and are informing the next generation. Thank you.
How I loved seeing your comment here today, Denise, and yes, your words remind me that the journey does not stop. For me it’s about reclaiming and honoring a more spacious approach to food and nourishment every single day. The ripple effect, yes, thank you for that. Thank you for being such a beautiful example to your daughter and for being such a lovely presence in my life. xxoo