How do you stay so thin?
The question was innocent enough. I had been posting my food forays from France all week and believe me, when I travel to France, it’s no holds barred. It’s the one place I can enjoy a loaf of crusty glutenFUL bread and not worry that someone is going to look at me and gasp. A culinary ‘nutrition guide’ partaking of wheat? Blasphemy!
First, I have to say, when I look in the mirror I don’t see thin. I see a body that has finally found its happy weight. I remember the first time I heard that phrase, happy weight, and how sweet it sounded. Bittersweet for me because I had never in my entire life considered my weight ‘happy.’ Recently I’ve been poring over old photos as I assemble a luscious legacy project for my mother’s 90th birthday. When I look at those photos I feel a deepening sense compassion for both my younger self and for my mother. I grew up in a weight loss war zone; my mother was always on a diet. At times, she was dangerously overweight.
I was convinced I would follow in her footsteps. At that time I didn’t understand emotional eating or the meaning of poor quality food. I knew I loved the foods that came from my grandmother’s kitchen (whole foods made from scratch) but I also grew up in an era where packaged foods were being celebrated and women were leaving the kitchen in droves. The birth of Hamburger Helper, Shake and Bake, Minute Rice and Pillsbury Instant Mashed Potatoes (homemade fluff and flavor) meant the death of real food with real flavor. It also created a cultural mindset that continues to undermine both our health and our kitchen experience today. My grandmother wouldn’t have dreamed of adding water to feather-like flakes to create mashed potatoes. My mother, on the other hand, loved the new convenience foods. Who wouldn’t?
click image for video, it’s a hoot!
A few days later I returned home to an email from a former client who wanted to tell me about a really cool app that she found that allows her to record what she eats and track the nutritional content of her food. It tracks her exercise, too. While I’m always really excited to hear about strategies that work for my clients, I felt a pang of sadness when I read that email. Here’s why: I was once a ‘tracker.’ A rather obsessive tracker. That kind of tracking took me further and further away from the wisdom of my body and from my own satiety cues. It also took me further and further away from the pure joy in preparing and eating delicious foods. When I began to observe healthy eaters, I noticed something. They eat when they are hungry. They stop when they are full. Sometimes, they even leave some food on their plates. Gasp.
Recently I found some of the tracking systems I used during my body hate years. Pages and pages and pages (we’re talking notebooks FULL) of various tracking systems that I used for much of my adult life as I wrestled my body into the size and shape I thought it ‘should’ be, according to what standards I can’t even be sure. When I look at what I was eating and how meticulously I was tracking that food intake, I want to wrap that young women in my arms and say, “Sweetie, you don’t have to work this hard. Go read a delicious novel or make a piece of art. Life is short. Too short.”
note: diet coke, Go Lean cereal, protein bars, cold cuts, cottage cheese are NOT health foods
But back to the question … how do you stay so thin? First, let’s reframe the question. Let’s ask, “How do you maintain a healthy body weight?” Or, for me, “How did you finally make peace with your body and allow it to find the weight it wanted/needed to be?” which by the way, when I look at all these little pieces of paper and tracking tools I found, is the weight I was fighting against all those years. Silly me. No wonder I developed osteoporosis.
I almost never write a ‘prescriptive post’ but today I feel called to help you dispel at least one of the myths that might be keeping you from finding your happy weight.
Myth: Eat less, exercise more. That never worked for me. Exercising more actually made me hungrier so eating less was not an option. Nor should it be. Higher activity levels require more fuel. I also believed cardiovascular exercise was the best way to burn those pesky little calories (former aerobics instructor and ‘spin’ enthusiast). In later years I learned that weight bearing exercise was far more useful and MUCH better for my bones, too. (Goodbye osteoporosis.) Now, I have a healthy mix of exercise in my repertoire. If you’d like to know more about high intensity, low force exercise, you might enjoy the interview I conducted with my Instructor, Tim Rankin of SuperSlow Zone®.
Here’s what I’ve come to know. My food intake is largely determined by my activity level. When I’m working from home, in front of a computer, I require less food than when I’m walking the streets of New York City or Paris.
I eat according to my hunger.
My former life, chasing frolicking first graders all day, running up and down halls to get them to and from special classes, the cafeteria, or the bus, had me moving a lot more. I absolutely needed more food to fuel my body at that time. Ironically, the years of restriction … the body hate years … were the years I most likely needed MORE food to fuel the body, not less. (Um, yes, the ‘tracking’ thing.) Today I’m less active, unfortunately. Writing blog posts and meeting with clients on the phone or SKYPE requires less fuel so my meals are proportionately smaller. I’m following my hunger cues instead of a chart.
As for what I eat, well, that’s easy. I eat beautiful food. Whole food. Food that I prepare with love and with a consciousness I didn’t have in those early years. If you’re interested in knowing more about preparing food with this kind of love and attention, you might enjoy my Clueless in the Kitchen online course. You don’t have to be clueless, just curious.
It begins on March 20th. I’d love to see you in the roster! You can register right here.
12 thoughts on “How Do You Stay So Thin?”
Sue Ann, I love this message on a very deep level. I especially appreciate your terms “the body hate years” and “happy weight.” Thanks so much for sharing your work through your own journey. I’m so happy to be in another class with you!
Thank you, Terry. For your beautiful participation in so many of my programs and for the consciousness you bring to everything you do. I am so honored to have you in my community. xxoo
As you know, I had my own body-hate years. And apparently my happy weight is the weight I rebelled against, too!
What a relief to just eat when I’m hungry, the food that feels delicious to me, and stop when I’m full!
It astonishes me, looking back, to think of all the time and energy I spent obsessing over food, my body, what was allowed, what was forbidden… What might I have created if I hadn’t tied up all that energy and time in body-hate?
Thank you for so beautifully modeling the message that everyone needs to hear, helping women take back their plates and find happiness in their bodies.
xoxoxo
Melissa
Thank YOU, Melissa, for the conversations we’ve had about those body hate years, your transparency, your thoughtfulness, and the joy you now bring to the table. I have to find that photo I took of you in San Francisco. Do you remember it? The food was so good in that restaurant we pretended to lick the bowl! Ha, ha maybe we DID lick the bowl. xxoo
I’ve been very fortunate to be naturally thin for the greater part of my life. My body issue centered around the fact that I was “full chested.” I felt that my skinniness over-accentuated my chest, so I dressed to conceal. Funny, now that I look back I should have been so proud! It seems that we, as women, are never fully satisfied nor comfortable with our bodies.
My youngest daughter has been petite and underweight her entire life. People often thought she was anorexic because she was so thin. When she was a baby/toddler, her pediatrician encouraged me to feed her ice cream and other rich foods for the sole purpose of plumping her up. That made no sense to me as she had energy and healthy skin tone. Her choice foods were (and still are) fresh fruits, vegetables and lean meats.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Lori. I’ve come to see that body issue is a pretty universal theme … too big, too small, too fat, too skinny. It cracks my heart open time and time again to see how many women (and girls) do not like some aspect of their physical experience. Kudos to you for applauding your daughter’s love of fresh fruits and vegetables and ignoring a doctor’s advice “to feed her ice cream and other rich foods for the sole purpose of plumping her up.” *sigh*
Lots to think about here. I am not exactly in a constant battle with my weight, rather a permanent cold war. I have been gaining and losing the same 2 stones since my mid twenties. I am on a slow moving merry-go -round of weight loss and gain, each cycle takes about 2 years. It’s demoralising. Maybe one day I will find the balance X
Permanent cold war. Yes, that feels resonant, too. I imagine there are many more women who can relate to the battle you describe here, Penny. I feel very fortunate to be on the other side of that “slow moving merry-go-round of weight loss and gain” but I have encountered many women in my practice for whom this has become a way of life. One thing I try to hold onto here is how these experiences have shaped me … the story behind the story. Especially the life circumstances that lead me down the path of non nourishment. Those circumstances are as diverse as the women reflecting on them. Take good care of yourself as you lean in to more nourishing ways to end that battle once and for all and please reach out to me if you need some support around that. xxoo
i’ve worked with women struggling with eating issues of all kinds (including severe eating disorders) for over 20 years. but i’ve never struggled with my own weight. (and my only body image concern was the opposite of lori’s “full chested” one!). however, i also didn’t really care what i put in my mouth – quick and easy? fine. not so healthy? okay. i simply didn’t pay much attention to food.
that changed when i had children and wanted to give them nutritious meals. and in more recent years, my relationship with food has grown ever more lovely. “beautiful food. whole food.” yes.
This is something I witness a lot in my work, April, this desire to feed and nourish our families and how that sometimes brings an awareness to cooking and eating that was absent before. I know we share similar food roots so I imagine you were standing on familiar ground when you found your way back to “beautiful food. whole food.” Yes, indeed! Many thanks for commenting.
Oh, this brings back fond memories of when I enrolled in this course, Sue Ann. I think I was a mixture of clueless and curious. Those weekly calls with you were absolutely divine. I could be a frazzled, hot mess, but as soon as I heard your voice…. Ahhh. You have that effect on me. Even through your writing. Ahhh…
Music to my ears, Michelle. Having YOU on that roster delighted me to no end. See? I told you the women I attract into this particular course have a sense of humor! xxoo