Love Language
Coffee. The earthy flavor of wet forest. A smoky liquid dancing around my tongue. Aroma of lazy winter mornings, snowfall, savor.
Coffee. Women’s studies classes at the University of Buffalo where we drink so much of that bodacious brew, the words echo in our heads through sleepless nights, restless nights, endless nights, long after the lecture ends. Coffee. Doris Lessing, Emily Dickinson, Anais Nin.
Coffee. The percolator in grandma’s kitchen. Coffee so thick, so dark, so rich, you can stand a spoon in it. Italian roast.
Coffee. The automatic drip coffee maker that awaits me as I enter my classroom all those years ago. ‘My’ coffee. So much better than the murky brown liquid swimming in the community pot. Coffee. Ritual. Silent moments stolen alone in a classroom soon to be bustling with frolicking first graders clamoring for my attention.
Coffee. Post divorce. The automatic drip coffee maker with a TIMER that I purchase to mitigate the hollow aching loneliness that awaits me when I awaken in an empty bed. In an empty house. Coffee. Greeting me. Meeting me. Wrapping me in its arms with a sprinkle of sugar. A swirl of cream. Coffee.
Coffee. Columbia, Sumatra, Antigua, Java. Coffee.
Coffee. A client, a colleague, a friend. I ask, “How goes the coffee crusade? Did you ever give it up?” She smiles at me and says she has, indeed, cut back. Considerably. She tells me she still shares a cup or two each day with her beloved. And then she says, “It’s our love language.”
Coffee. My sister and her husband, two coffee makers on the counter, three if you count the espresso machine. Weekend mornings, a coffee date, Starbucks, even with three of those perfect-cup-every-time contraptions. It makes perfect sense.
Coffee. Love language.
Disclaimer: Writing a blog can be tricky when you hold a place in the world called, ‘nourishment guide.’ It opens up a larger inquiry.
So here’s my take on coffee:
Yes, I drink coffee on occasion for all of the ‘reasons’ above. For me, it’s a treat, not a treatment. No, I do not recommend drinking coffee daily, as a habit.
Simply something to consider:
When caffeine becomes a means of processing or coping with: fatigue, brain fog, depression, or, when it is consumed mindlessly and in large quantities despite a known condition such as adrenal fatigue, digestive disorder, weight loss resistance, problems with your liver … this is where I might ask, “Is this beverage serving you?”
I gave up my daily brew many years ago. I remember that experience, vividly. I had a searing headache for a week, maybe longer. That was a pretty good indication that the caffeine in coffee was not serving me.
What you consume on any given day (week, month, year) is a highly personal decision. I respect that. Let your body be your guide.
And, if you’re looking for ways to kick your coffee habit and you need a little nudge, here’s a really yummy substitute, my personal favorite: chocolate organic teeccino (herbal coffee). It’s more robust than tea and the chocolate flavor is divine.
ingredients: organic carob, organic barley, organic chicory, organic ramon seeds, chocolate flavor, organic cocoa, organic chili flakes.
34 thoughts on “Love Language”
I’ve been drinking tea since I broke my ankle. The combo of pain pills, surgery, and wanting to give my bones every fighting chance created the perfect storm to kick my 3-cup per day coffee habit. I don’t know if I’ll go back to it in the same way, but I do miss it. Thank you for reminding me, lol!
Wishing you a full and speedy recovery, Tea. That was quite a break. And yes, that was mt motivating force as well, my bones. Feel better, love. xxxooo
I’ve been drinking coffee every day since I was seventeen. Forty years! I drink coffee every day with my husband. We drink side-by-side, by the fire while I write in my journal and he does the crossword. We also get a cup at a cafe later in the day. And now our son (18) joins us as well. This morning for the first time ever, our son came into our bedroom and asked, “Can I fix breakfast for you?” He made scrambled eggs, English muffins with butter and jam, orange juice and fresh coffee. He ground the beans, used the French press and then poured each of us a cup adding just the right amount of half and half. The breakfast was wonderful because of all the love that went into it. Halfway through our time together, I asked, “Do either of you get a funny bitter, buzzing sensation around your lips and in your mouth when you drink coffee? They both looked at me like I was crazy. “So it’s me?” That’s what I was afraid of. It’s been happening for months, but I keep ignoring it. Ever since menopause I’ve become more sensitive. I usually just push through the sensation, but I think it’s time to listen to my body. Reading this post today was perfect timing because get this, I even quoted you this morning, Sue Ann! “Sue Ann talked about some tea that is supposed to be really hearty. I’ll have to ask her.” You must’ve got my telepathic message. Thanks so much!
I love that, Terry. Let me know how you like the teeccino! Their regular flavor comes in a form that you can use in your drip coffee pot and, for me, is the closest to coffee and the chocolate flavor I mentioned above comes in tea bags. That one feels more decadent to me.
Oh, how I love this piece. A swirl of coffee memories are dancing in my head. The Italian espresso in between each class a Firenze. The whipped sugar, the small blue ceramic mug, the italian men from the union, the friendly greetings, the buzz, the aroma buzz, the coffee buzz, the lingua Italiana buzz (sigh) a Italia. A coffee.
Love this reverie, Cami, thank you. And yes, I had my fair share of espresso in France and thoroughly enjoyed every sip and savor.
I love coffee ice cream, mocha frappuccinos, tiramisu, coffee liqueur, but not a cup of coffee! I have fond memories of drinking coffee as a child while visiting my grandparents in Richmond – 1/3 coffee, 1/3 milk, 1/3 sugar- it was a real treat. My mother drank black coffee every day, but never served it to the kids. As I grew older, I disliked the taste of coffee (love the smell though). So here I am half a hundred plus a few, and my husband, son and I are in the minority as non-coffee drinkers. I do like to start the day with a cup of hot tea, but really am more of an “iced tea person” year round. And when we moved to Alaska for a few years, they thought we were nuts asking for iced tea in the winter!
I, too, love the aroma of coffee even more than the taste, Sallie. I have been drinking a lot of hot tea this winter. I think it’s because we have had a rather blustery season so far and I like to feel the warm cup in my hands, even more than drinking it, actually. Thank you for this beautiful slice of your past.
I also LOVE the smell of coffee, just not coffee itself!
I actually love coffee, had my first sip as an eight year old. But caffeine does not go well with me at all so I have for most of my life drank only tea in various forms. An occasional espresso, Ethiopian coffee my cousin´s husband makes or a Cappuccino (or preferably a café au lait in Paris 🙂 is fine. But the smell and the taste of really good coffee…aaahh.
Love,
Carina
I know, what it is about that aroma??? Gorgeous.
I love the deep associations you have with the daily ritual – as a companion, a friend and a way to bond with someone. I am not a coffee drinker, never have really gravitated toward it (I am very sensitive to the amount of caffeine) but I do love a perfect cup of tea. The Teaching sounds delicious too!
Yes, Heather, more and more I think it’s the rituals that sustain us. Let me know if you try the teeccino.
It’s funny. I always liked the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the smell of the beans, yet I wasn’t a fan until recently. I sampled an organic blend at Trader Joe’s that was smooth and mellow. Now I make a pot on the weekends and enjoy a cup or two with my family.
What blend did you find that you liked, Lori. Smooth and mellow sounds like my kind of brew.
Even though I’m not a coffee drinker (I’ve tried SO hard to love it, but, alas, it has never tasted good to me), I love this piece. The simplicity, the poetic nature of it, and how it all ties back to being a language and form of communication. On a side note, I also did the caffeine withdrawal thing (I’m a Diet Pepsi drinker) and spent a week feeling as though I was utterly incapable of putting together a coherent thought — like my brain was moving through sludge. It was worth it in the end, but dang that was a challenge!
Laura, I loved your description: “like my brain was moving through sludge.” I was so disoriented I fell off a tour bus and had to extend my trip because I was too shaken up to make my flight. Poor me, another day in Mill Valley.
As a recovering coffee addict, your words were music to my ears! Now I have a much healthier relationship to caffeine, and I treat myself to a cup of decaf every weekend. My favorite smell in the world is freshly ground beans!
I think that’s the key, Belinda, a treat not a treatment!
I like how coffee follows you through love, divorce work and weather. It is a constant in life, a way to express yourself as well as to care for yourself. I also enjoyed your disclaimer, reminding us of the balance we need to seek in our life between what is good and what is good for us.
Thank you, Laura. Sometimes it’s interesting to see where our muse takes us. This piece was actually in response to an invitation I delivered in my Luscious Legacy Project. “I remember. . .” And what showed up? Coffee.
I am a tea drinker myself. But the descriptive way you lace your words around coffee could cause anyone to switch. It’s as if I can smell the coffee right now. But for today I will stick with my tea, its a healthier option for me. Thank you for the recommendation.
My husband & I share our love of Earl Grey tea. It is our thing. So much so that even when I feel like a cup of decaf coffee, I demur and have a cup of tea with him instead. There is something so soothing about a great cup of tea. Caffeinated in the morning (just one cup!) and maybe some Rooibos Masala chai in the afternoon. When we are snuggled up on the couch watching Poirot or Downton Abbey (or something else equally British) my hubbie says “Let’s have a cup of tea”. And we are very picky about our tea, not just any brand will do and when we travel, we have to bring our tea with us. We love our tea. And we’re Italian!
I have been enjoying tea a lot this winter, Laura. My husband is a big tea drinker and it’s only very recently that I have joined him for a cup. For me it began with a friendship I developed with a lovely woman in the UK. I would always have to brew a cup of tea before our SKYPE dates. It just seemed so right. And then, it stuck. The ritual, yes?
what a lovely tribute to coffee, sue ann! i am a daily coffee drinker. i simply love love love everything about it – the smell, the taste, the presentation, but especially the ambience. you see, my husband makes me my special latte each and every day, and it’s become such a comforting and important ritual in our lives. since we both work out of the home, we are together a lot. yet, during our coffee hour, we take the time to sit, discuss our dreams, read, hold hands . . . and realize once again how much we truly enjoy each other’s company (after 26 years of marriage).
Coffee … a love story. Thank you. xxxooo
I stand firmly in the tea camp. I grew up with afternoon tea around 3:30pm — tea with milk and sugar and a sweet or savory snack. I don’t remember coffee being an option. I now drink my tea black and it’s still about comfort and relaxation.
As for the language of love — I make my partner’s morning cup of coffee and she knows just how to make my tea.
I love that, Marilyn, thank you. What a tribute to ritual. And … to our unique love language.
I’ll have an almond milk latte with one shot of Illy espresso (1/3 of the caffeine of regular espresso and faaaaarrrr less caffeine than drip coffee), per favore and grazie. I’ll sweeten it with a bit of local, raw honey and a few sprinkles of cinnamon.
For the rest of the day, I’ll have herbal tea of many varieties, please and thank you.
And when I watch Downton Abbey, I’ll have a decaf Early Grey with a swirl of half and half and a touch of local, raw honey, dahling.
xo
I think you’re the second person on this page who mentioned Downtown Abbey. Hmmmmm, I may have to brew some tea and check it out. Your latte sounds lovely.
Beautiful love language around coffee! So poignant.
Coffee or tea? Sometime I can’t decide because I love both so much, though I am not addicted to either. I love a cappuccino but don’t need one every day. In the afternoon I love a having a cup of tea. And I love all the accoutrements surrounding either. My kitchen is like a coffee/tea lab with infusers, a variety of tea leaves, an espresso machine, a stove top espresso maker…it’s fun and I enjoy making both.
Ah yes, the accoutrements. I love that. I almost bought myself a coffee maker for one (not one of those capsule contraptions) after writing this post but then when I saw the cost of the one I coveted, I thought I’d better wait. I seriously don’t need another kitchen toy!
I was never a daily coffee drinker until I gave up my Coke Zero several years back. I replaced my morning swill of chemicals with a cup of java. I rarely drink more than one cup which I savor with my honey or over a lovely piece of writing. If I happen to miss it, it’s a non-issue.